I turn to the gospel of John. Mostly because it is my favorite gospel. And I am met with this: Jesus has always been. It is through him that God created everything (John 1:1-3). Not only has he always existed he also came to that which he created, embodied in human flesh, making his home among us. God came in the fleshly form of Jesus Christ and dwelt among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness and revealed to us the glory of the Father's one and only Son (John 1:14).
This reminded me of a conversation I very recently had with God.
I struggle daily with the truth and promise that God is completely good and completely trustworthy in His goodness. As I wrestled with this, bringing it to the Lord, begging Him to help me trust, our dialogue went something like this:
Me: God, you allow painful circumstances, in fact, it is most often through them that Your glory and transformative work takes place! The possibility of having anything terrible and tragic happen to either of my girls is just beyond anything I could ever handle. So, here I am unable and unwilling to fully entrust them into your hands.
Fully entrusting them to you means that I surrender my fear of and my trusting in myself to protect them from the worst and most traumatic experiences like rape, torture, a painful death... It means leaving them in your hands and that makes me feel like you will allow these painful circumstances.
So... I CAN'T.
If leaving them in your hands means that these terrible and tragic things would likely happen, then I CAN'T...
...Please give me the courage to be able to.
God: But look back on your life and tell me when have I not been faithful? When have I not been good? Each time you turn to me and choose to obey, I have responded faithfully and showered you with goodness!
Your biggest fear when you were just a little girl was that you would love and marry someone who would leave and desert you. Someone who would cheat on you and then abandon you. But look whom I have blessed you with.
You came to me as a little girl, most nights, and prayerfully asked for a faithful, and truly loving husband who would remain faithful and loving to you always.
Have I not answered that request? Have I not showered you with goodness in this area you have obediently entrusted to me?
Me: Yes. I know.
BUT you ALLOW bad things! You allow pain and suffering. You allow rape and you allow beheadings, and you allow parents to bury their own children!
I mean, you stood there and watched while YOUR ONE AND ONLY SON was spat on, whipped, humiliated, tortured, nailed to a cross, and died a slow and painful death! YOU WERE THERE AND YOU ALLOWED IT, you watched it happen!!! That was YOUR OWN son!
So how can I possibly trust you with my two little girls???
God: But, Rea...
I allowed that so that you AND your girls and the rest of my children may have Life!
I watched my son, my one and only son, beaten, tortured, and hung on a cross to die, so that YOU may have eternal life with ME.
I AM GOOD.
And, my dear child, my goodness IS completely trustworthy.