I am no public speaker. In fact, I do not enjoy talking in front of a crowd. And yet here I am taking on the role of "Women's Bible Study Facilitator." Thankfully there are two of us. While I am very glad to share this role, I still cannot evade the daunting task of being in front of people, talking, sharing, praying.
Pride comes in many forms. Ego likes to wear many masks. The root of my anxiety with public speaking and being in front of a crowd is nothing but pride. Typically I instinctively dodge any opportunity where I might find myself in this discomfiting circumstance. But often, saying 'Yes,' to my Maker means I better get used to being outside of my comfort zone.
The first session of the study was yesterday and the night before, anxiety kept me up like a little mosquito buzzing in my ear. I spent most of the day reminding myself that it wasn't all about me. That I wouldn't mess anything up if I just redirect my focus. In the words of Beth Moore, "[I'm] not good enough to mess God up."
The point of taking on the role of facilitator for the study was not so I could look or sound good in front of others. The point wasn't so that I could be admired, respected, or praised. The point was to be a willing pilgrim ready to serve in any way, for the purpose of seeking mutual spiritual growth together.
Pride comes in many forms. Ego likes to wear many masks. The root of my anxiety with public speaking and being in front of a crowd is nothing but pride. Typically I instinctively dodge any opportunity where I might find myself in this discomfiting circumstance. But often, saying 'Yes,' to my Maker means I better get used to being outside of my comfort zone.
The first session of the study was yesterday and the night before, anxiety kept me up like a little mosquito buzzing in my ear. I spent most of the day reminding myself that it wasn't all about me. That I wouldn't mess anything up if I just redirect my focus. In the words of Beth Moore, "[I'm] not good enough to mess God up."
The point of taking on the role of facilitator for the study was not so I could look or sound good in front of others. The point wasn't so that I could be admired, respected, or praised. The point was to be a willing pilgrim ready to serve in any way, for the purpose of seeking mutual spiritual growth together.
As I continued to meditate on serving and hopefully carrying out a bit of God's purpose for this group of women, my anxiety began to subside. It was replaced by a sense of vulnerability that left me in a rather humble state. There is a quiet formidable strength that can be found in humility. From this, flowed gratitude. I was thankful for taking up this task. This task that necessitates distance from my zone of comfort. This task that demands a confrontation with this pride cloaked in insecurity. This task that keeps me on my knees, dependent on my Maker.
Day 10 of Cultivating joy through 20 days of gratefulness.